Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
