Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
