Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
