My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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