guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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