you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
