There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
