woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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