Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
