You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
