Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
