Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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