I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
