Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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