Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
