go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
