i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
