Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize