God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
