Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
