I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
