I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
