Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize