fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i will never coherently bang her
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize