Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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