So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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