no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
