Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
