tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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