ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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