oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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