margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
