I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Someone signed my nipple.
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