i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
