roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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