Do you still have your period?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize