we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
