I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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