If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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