if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
