I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need a beard to bite.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
