I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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