I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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