Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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