I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
