arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
