Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
