need another drink. this is the easiest way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
