After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
