rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
