Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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