She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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