he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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