It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
