i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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