dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
