see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
