Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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