toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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