glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
