ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize