before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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