I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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