Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
