how hairy? two words: wookie tits
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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