She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
