The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize